Crooked Crowns Count👑

It was a Saturday, around 2 p.m. I was snuggled up on the couch underneath my favorite comforter, attempting to relax after an extra long and tiring week of work, while my soon to be 3 year old sat at her table watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I had not long ago made her some pizza rolls and french fries at her request, and I guess her sweet tooth had surfaced and she was ready for a snack. About 10 minutes after I’d dozed off, (but not for real, for real, because I think that when you’re a Mommy, you’re never fully asleep when your kid is present. I legit hear everything!) I heard “MOMMY!!”

Can I take this moment to make a brief confession? You know how some people get hangry? Like, they walk around muggin’ and ready to body slam somebody because they’re hungry? I have thee WORST attitude when I’m sleepy! I didn’t even want to open my eyes, y’all! The child called me and I mumbled back “hmm?” in that real sleepy, irritated voice. The next thing I knew, I felt her breath on my nose. She must’ve called herself getting real close to make sure I heard her tell me that she wanted a snack. Actually, she said “Mommy, I want a snack BAD!” I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and asked “Which snack do you want?” I was just trying to fulfill her request and the girl FELL OUT!

Now, usually, she’s very specific about what she wants, but it was around nap time and I guess her irritability sent her into a temporary inconsolable fit. I was BLOWNNNNNNNN! 🙄 Omg, LISTEN! Imagine getting up for work at 5 A.M and not returning home until around 5:30 P.M Monday-Friday, and then cramming in cooking, cleaning, laundry, doing hair, grocery shopping, personal goals, plus everything else that comes with directly being an attentive Mommy (cuddles, bathing, teaching, quality time, etc). Are you imagining?👂🏾 Okay, cool! Now, it’s Saturday! She done got me up at 7 A.M and as soon as I get one of those good dozes going, (the kind where your jaws are relaxed and you have slob dripping) she wakes me up and then launches into a full blown temper tantrum.

If I can be honest, I was frustrated immediately. Although only two, she has been articulating herself extremely well for a long time and displaying an advanced vocabulary for her age. I was sleepy and annoyed with her lack of communication in that moment. At this point, she’s screaming and I’m being the loud, dramatic, hollering Mama that’s probably pissing the neighbors off. Finally, I calmed down, and as I coaxed her to “use her words,” I checked myself! I asked myself “How good are you at using your words?”

It was an opportunity to remind myself that as parents, it’s great to encourage our children to use their words, but they deserve something other than frustration when they don’t. Parenting and adulting in general can get overwhelming, but the reality is that as adults, we still struggle sometimes with using our words. Sometimes, in moments of anger, sadness, disappointment, and being overwhelmed, we conclude that tears suffice as expression. Sometimes, adults have temper tantrums too, where we curse someone out, argue, and tear them down with our words because we speak from an emotional space instead of an effective space.

As a Mom, I always prioritize remaining teachable and being constructive as a parent. As a woman and human, I’m always prioritizing self-reflecting and extending patience and understanding to myself while on this journey of growth. I hope that this blog encourages you to self-reflect and even work on using your words if you realize that it is an area of struggle for you. For parents, I hope that it assists in increasing your patience with your children as they navigate through processing, understanding, and expressing emotions in a healthy manner. We can all benefit from forbearance. ♥

Disclaimer: The sentiments expressed in this blog are based solely on personal thoughts and opinion.

Some time ago, one of my old high school friends notified me of an opportunity to possibly write for a blog. I told myself that if I entered the competition and didn’t get chosen, I would start my own blog and publish this because 1) I had so much fun writing it and 2) all of the women that I let preview it said that they loved it and found it inspirational. Although this particular piece is addressed to women (due to the criterion of the competition), my blog was created to embrace and empower both men and women. Stay tuned for more! I hope that you enjoy! Only weak women get lonely, right? I mean, there’s no way a woman who is unapologetically Queenin’ could get caught up enough in sleeping alone to settle for a “Netflix and Chill” type of brother who has no REAL plans for her in the name of loneliness, right? WRONG!  The best and strongest of us desire companionship. We desire midday phone calls from someone who is genuinely interested in knowing how our day is going. We crave coming home to someone that we can snuggle up to after we’ve dealt with one of those extra ass bosses that goes out of their way to make things a little bit harder, and busy. We deserve that, right? YES, we do, BUT we’ll never get it if we don’t learn to enjoy being alone, vs caving every time we feel lonely.  Let’s talk, ladies! Let’s discover ways, together, that we can enjoy being alone! Here are my 3 tips! 1) Learn to love yourself. Loving yourself means giving regard to your own well-being and happiness. It means setting standards and standing firm on what you know that you deserve. For me, achieving self love came with a break from men, a willingness to accept the place that  I was in, agreement to face all of the hurt and things that I hated about who I was, and commitment to staying on my self journey (regardless of how hard it got) –healing, and gaining a peace that I would henceforth prioritize.  Easy? HELL NO! It got real, Sis! I cried, I stumbled, and at times, I wanted to quit, but I still got up and adjusted a crown that I couldn’t quite see yet. I leaned on God and prayer heavily to push me to keep pressing, and I eventually gained a love that felt so good that I never wanted to be without it again. (I love myself damned good these days, if I do say so myself, and so can you!) 2) Goaled up VS Boo’d up Set goals! Figure out what you want to accomplish and use your alone time to work on planning and executing it successfully.  I decided that I wanted to get my Masters in Social Work and publish a novel. Focusing on that took up so much of my time and energy that I was way too exhausted at times to focus on companionship. I shifted my thought process to building a solid table and filling it up so that my future children would be good instead of worrying about what would impress a man.  3) Gather up your girls and GO! Intimate relationships aren’t the only ones worth having and they’re not the only ones that you can enjoy. Whether you choose to share the journey you’re on or not, you should have support in place to lean on.  If my Facebook timeline was looking real lovey dovey and I started looking at my bare ring finger and thinking about all of the booty rubs that I was missing out on (because booty rubs are nice), I would call up the ladies. After good vibes, lots of laughs, snacks, and WINE (because wine makes everything better), I would be in a totally different space. We all have had times where we should’ve known better, or where we may have known better and didn’t necessarily do better. I don’t care if that was yesterday for you, or even two hours ago…it’s in the past. Pick your head up, adjust your crown, and know that you aren’t alone. You are beautiful, dope, valuable, and worthy! Today, I’m STILL finding new ways to love all of the woman that I am. Join me on this never ending journey where we embrace and love ourselves, extend gentleness and forgiveness our own way, and become so fulfilled in our solitude that we stop wishing for the total package, but settling for pieces of it. Being alone doesn’t mean that you’re losing, it means that you’re waiting, because you know what you deserve. Disclaimer: The sentiments expressed in this blog are based solely on personal thoughts and opinion.